How Can I Learn To Accept Making Mistakes?

Perfectionists often struggle deeply with the idea of making mistakes, viewing errors not as part of learning but as personal failures. This mindset stems from a belief that their worth is tied to flawless performance, leading to anxiety, self-criticism, and avoidance of challenges where failure is possible. To begin accepting mistakes, a perfectionist must first reframe how they view failure—not as proof of inadequacy, but as a natural and necessary part of growth. This shift doesn't happen overnight, but it starts by consciously acknowledging that perfection is neither possible nor required.

Self-compassion 

One helpful step is practicing self-compassion. Rather than harshly criticizing themselves after a mistake, perfectionists can learn to treat themselves as they would a friend in the same situation—with kindness and understanding. This might include saying, “It’s okay to make mistakes. I’m still learning,” or reminding themselves that everyone stumbles sometimes. By creating a more supportive inner dialogue, perfectionists can reduce the fear and shame associated with imperfection, making it easier to take healthy risks.

Challenge black and white thinking 

Challenging all-or-nothing thinking is also essential. Many perfectionists view outcomes in black-and-white terms—either something is perfect or it's a disaster. Learning to recognize and embrace the "gray area" helps shift this mindset. For example, instead of seeing a project with one error as a complete failure, they can focus on the aspects that went well. Practicing gratitude for progress rather than perfection can reinforce a more balanced, realistic outlook.

Be process-oriented 

Another powerful approach is setting process-oriented goals instead of outcome-based ones. Rather than focusing solely on getting a perfect grade or outcome, a perfectionist can aim to engage fully in the process—asking thoughtful questions, learning new techniques, or simply finishing what they started. These types of goals reinforce the idea that growth and effort matter more than flawlessness, and they can reduce performance pressure that paralyzes progress.

Exposure to mistakes 

Exposure to making mistakes in low-stakes situations can also help. For example, a perfectionist might intentionally try a hobby they're not good at—like drawing or improv acting—to experience failure in a controlled, playful environment. These experiences help rewire the brain to tolerate imperfection and build resilience. Over time, repeated exposure teaches the nervous system that mistakes are survivable and often even enlightening.

Seek feedback 

Finally, seeking feedback and support from others can make a huge difference. Trusted friends, mentors, or therapists can offer a more objective view and help perfectionists question their harsh self-assessments. They can also model how to recover gracefully from mistakes. Learning to accept mistakes is ultimately about unlearning unrealistic standards and giving oneself permission to be human—a journey that leads not to lowered standards, but to greater confidence, creativity, and personal freedom.

To learn more about therapy for perfectionism, contact me today!